Sam might have forgiven him, but Castiel never has forgiven himself. For years now he's been trying to fix his own past mistakes, no matter the cost. He's not sure he'll ever truly be... over all of this. He's an ancient creature, and sometimes learning is a slow process.
His fingers dig in a little harder.
"I'm blessed to have you Sam, more than I can say."
And in a way that's too depressing to think about, he's blessed to have fallen, too. A human life allows him to grow as old with Sam as is possible in the hunting life, allows him not to have to face the possibility of losing Sam and living on for all eternity without him.
That is a terrifying thought even for him.
"They piled onto me. Choked me inside my vessel even before they left me to drown in the lake. And I had to watch through their eyes as they attacked Dean and Bobby with my hands."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-01-22 02:50 pm (UTC)His fingers dig in a little harder.
"I'm blessed to have you Sam, more than I can say."
And in a way that's too depressing to think about, he's blessed to have fallen, too. A human life allows him to grow as old with Sam as is possible in the hunting life, allows him not to have to face the possibility of losing Sam and living on for all eternity without him.
That is a terrifying thought even for him.
"They piled onto me. Choked me inside my vessel even before they left me to drown in the lake. And I had to watch through their eyes as they attacked Dean and Bobby with my hands."