He's as damned as he seems/And more Heaven than a heart could hold (NSFW)

[fromfryingpantofire]

They tended to switch bars a lot, never sticking to any one location and they'd drive out a ways away from the bunker. Lebanon was way too small for them to hit up the bars there very often, but it wasn't that far to the state line and there were other towns around, too.

Sam and Dean had gone their separate ways tonight, each planning to hustle pool or cards in a different place. As usual these days, Castiel had come with Sam. The former angel had picked up pool rather quickly, which wasn't surprising considering it was pretty much all math and angles. For the moment, though, Sam was the one cleaning the table with the current set of drunkards who had decided to try their hand against him.

He looked up just as he finished the current game, gathering up the money that had been bet. He'd been going to call out to Castiel, but the sound died in his throat when he saw someone else was talking to the other man. Someone who was entirely too close for Sam's liking.

He nodded to the other players, pocketing the money before walking over and putting a hand between Castiel's shoulder blades before letting it slip down. "Hey, Cas. Who's your friend?"

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[fromfryingpantofire]

Whenever Sam had to stop, be it at a stop sign or red light or just to turn a corner, his hand dropped to Castiel's hair, stroking gently. It wasn't often that Castiel laid his head in Sam's lap while they were driving and Sam always took care to drive extra carefully when it happened. After all, the last thing they needed was to be pulled over.

Especially given the fact that Castiel was almost entirely naked.

He smiled slightly, looking down at Castiel once they pulled into the garage at the bunker. The smile dimmed slightly as he saw the bruises, reaching down to brush his fingers over them before shaking his head. "Borrowed. They know I have it. I've promised to bring it back in a few days. Figure the least we can do is wash it for them."

He brushed a few stray hairs behind Castiel's ear. "First things first. I'm going to take you to the bathroom and give you a shower. We're going to clean off the night and start fresh." It also meant that any lingering scent from James would be washed away as well. "I'm also going to remove the chastity device for the night. You're still not allowed to touch yourself, but you will be allowed to come tonight."

[freetobe]

It has Castiel squirming a little.

In the beginning, he hadn't enjoyed the chastity device, had found it strange and uncomfortable, especially when blood rushed into his cock. But Sam had been patient in his training and teaching, showing Castiel just how amazing it could be to remain soft and focus on experiencing all other sensations not centered around gaining or withholding an orgasm. Castiel remembers hours spent on his back, almost crying from having Sam inside him - fingers, cock, toys - without finding any sort of relief.

He'd come to love the chastity device. It was a security blanket. To take it off almost felt like failure, but he knew that wasn't what this was about.

The plan is clear, and Castiel is once again amazed and humbled by the care Sam takes with him. He needs a clear plan, a structure he can follow, and the fact that Sam never has to be asked, always explains it to him... is quite simply put, beautiful.

"Any time?" He licked his lips, thinking about it. "What are we going to do, after the shower?" Starting fresh sounded good. But with the chastity device off, Castiel wanted to be able to prepare himself. He touched his neck subconsciously, getting restless in his seat.

[fromfryingpantofire]

"We're going to go to our bedroom and I'm going to lay you down and give you a massage to start," Sam said, keeping his voice steady for Castiel. "I want you to remember the feel of only my hands on your skin, nobody else's. Then I will get one of our floggers, so that you are wearing my stripes and nobody else's. And when I'm satisfied that you'll remember no other, I will open you up and fuck you until you beg to be allowed to come."

He looked down, stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair. "You are mine, Cas. No other will lay hands upon you again." Sometimes, when one of them broke, they had to break further to be put back together properly.

[freetobe]

The words are a balm on the part of Castiel's mind that's been knocked off balance, that's spinning at the wrong axis. Yes... yes, this is what he needs. To be reclaimed completely and utterly, remade by Sam's hands has he once remade Sam's brother, and Sam himself, too.

He makes a desperate little sound at it, because it sounds too good, too caring, to have Sam devote himself so thoroughly to taking him apart and putting him back together.

"Yes, Sam. I'm yours. I... can I request, your belt?" To tie him up with or to lay stripes across his skin with, he doesn't care. Just wants as much of Sam on his body as he can possibly get.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam smiled at that. "Of course. How about I get out my good belt as well. Use that one to take your hands from you and my everyday belt to stripe your ass and shoulders?" He could moderate the hits across the shoulders just fine, after all, and it would include the tattoo, the permanent mark of their relationship.

He leaned down, pressing a kiss to Castiel's shoulder. Because his head was difficult to get to. "I'm going to get out of the car now so that I can pick you up and take you to the bathroom. Is that all right?"

[freetobe]

"The belts sound wonderful, Sam. Thank you."

He's not sure he can thank him enough, for providing everything Castiel never knew he needed, and then some. As an angel fresh out of Heaven, he hadn't even thought there was such a thing as this lifestyle, or that it might be just what he need, now as a human more so than ever. Strange, what turns his life took until he ended up just where he needed to be.

"What about Dean and Kevin?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

"They aren't back yet." He hadn't seen the Impala when they'd driven in, but Sam looks up to check that he hadn't just missed it. "I doubt they'll be back before we're done in the bathroom, honestly. I'll leave them a note, though. Let them know that you had a bad night and we'll see them in the morning." Or, possibly, closer to early afternoon. It depends a lot on how much Castiel crashed.

He reaches down, stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair before undoing his seat belt. He opens his door and gets out, careful of Castiel before going around to the other side to help him out of the car. There's absolutely no problem at all with carrying the other man. He enjoys that Castiel allows it to happen sometimes.

[freetobe]

It's a rare thing to happen. Castiel is a proud creature, much older than Sam and he used to be much stronger, too. Usually he dislikes being carried. Situations like this are a clear exception, when he's shell-shocked and overwhelmed, when he's reminded that even just scraping his hand and feeling that pain for the first time overwhelmed him not so very long ago.

So he wraps his arms around Sam's shoulders, holds on tight as he's carried inside. Allows the world to narrow down to Sam and nothing else, because that's just what he needs now that his skin is crawling with someone else's touch, someone else's violation.

"Sam," he murmurs, clutches at him harder. At least they're home now. He'll be taken apart and reassembled soon. Everything will be well. Sam's got this. Sam's got him.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam turns his head, brushing his lips over Castiel's forehead as he walks through the bunker. It's quiet without anybody else there, but that's what they need right now. Castiel doesn't need the noise and possibly being startled by someone else seeing him in his current state. "I'm here, Cas. I've got you."

He makes his way to the bathroom, which has been remodeled a bit recently. The bathtub is still there, of course, because they all like a nice bath sometimes. But a shower has been added to one corner of the room, slightly at odds with the 50s decor but more functional than the bath after a hunt. Sam walks straight to the shower, pulling over the shower chair with one foot so that he can set Castiel down. "I need to get the shower started and get undressed," he tells Castiel as he does so. "I'll be right here and not going out of your line of sight."

Once Castiel is down, it's only a moment to make short work of his clothing, putting them in a pile to take to the bedroom in a little while. Then he leans into the shower to get it started, making it slightly warmer than either of them normally like. After the shocks Castiel had had that day, the extra warmth would be good. "All right. I think that should be okay. You tell me if I need to make the water cooler or warmer, okay?" He helps pull the blanket from Castiel, then, and help him into the shower.

[freetobe]

He feels disgusting and filthy then. More than the feeling of being stretched around someone not Sam. But now that he's seated again with the initial shock fading bit by bit, he feels the bite of the stripes on his ass, the marks someone else put there, someone who then choked him.

Castiel can't wait for Sam to stripe him properly. Erase every last trace of tonight and replace every mark with himself. Fill Castiel in every way humanly possible, the way only Grace used to fill him.

"Hot is good, now." Nothing cold, nothing like natural water. The steam creates a further shield, shuts them away from the world as they step into the shower together. Castiel tugs on Sam's hands, places them on his backside. That stings, too, but it's a sting that makes Castiel feel better. Sam's hands are the perfect size to take hold of what they own.

"I'm starting to feel better."

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam smiles, using that grip to pull Castiel closer, moving his leg so that his thigh rests between Castiel's legs. The chastity device is still on, but that's all right. Castiel can still feel some of the pressure of his leg against his balls.

"Let me take care of you, angel," he says, turning to press his lips against the shell of Castiel's ear. "Let me wash you clean so that I can wrap you up until you smell and feel only me."

His fingers dip between Castiel's cheeks, finding the slick from the earlier preparations. He uses his other hand to spread Castiel open, so that the water can find the spot better.

[freetobe]

It's a cleansing, the way Sam touches him, spreads him open so water can run between his cheeks and wash away every mistake that happened tonight. His fingers curl around broad shoulders, and he lazily rolls his hips, just to feel a little more of that delicious pressure. Not for arousal, just for touch. As much of it as he can get. Tipping his head up to press his lips to Sam's is easy, comfortable even. Allows their tongues to tangle lazily as the water washes the ghosts of this night away, resets it to something they can start from anew.

And then Castiel lowers his forehead to Sam's shoulder.

"I was still conscious when they walked into that lake. They had control over my body, but i was. I was there. And I knew I would die. I knew I would die having broken you and not fixed you."

[fromfryingpantofire]

It isn't that Sam doesn't know the demons that had been stirred up by James's mistake. But he doesn't expect Castiel to start talking about them. It's not something that he's ever done, something they've ever really talked about.

Sam turns his head, kissing Castiel's temple and holding him close. "I forgave you for that long ago," he murmurs, stroking his hands over Castiel's back. "Well before we thought you were dead, even." Certainly Castiel had to know that, had to remember Sam praying, saying that Castiel was still one of them. "I didn't know you were still conscious, though. I guess...I sort of guessed you might have been or might remember some of it. That's why choking was always off the list even before you said no. I wouldn't have wanted to bring those memories back up."

[freetobe]

Sam might have forgiven him, but Castiel never has forgiven himself. For years now he's been trying to fix his own past mistakes, no matter the cost. He's not sure he'll ever truly be... over all of this. He's an ancient creature, and sometimes learning is a slow process.

His fingers dig in a little harder.

"I'm blessed to have you Sam, more than I can say."

And in a way that's too depressing to think about, he's blessed to have fallen, too. A human life allows him to grow as old with Sam as is possible in the hunting life, allows him not to have to face the possibility of losing Sam and living on for all eternity without him.

That is a terrifying thought even for him.

"They piled onto me. Choked me inside my vessel even before they left me to drown in the lake. And I had to watch through their eyes as they attacked Dean and Bobby with my hands."

[fromfryingpantofire]

He presses another kiss to Castiel's temple, his hands sliding over the other man's back and shoulders. "I remember what that's like," he says softly. "Watching your own body attack people you love, killing them and knowing it's your fault."

Sam doesn't much talk about the time when Lucifer rode him. Doesn't talk about how Lucifer allowed him to see everything. It had been the only way he'd been able to take control again in the end, but to watch Castiel and Bobby die and his own hands pummel Dean? It was hard.

"You survived, Cas. You were stronger than them and you survived. And I will never, ever stop being grateful for that."

[freetobe]

"So did you," Castiel murmurs, once again pressing his lips to Sam's, bringing his hands up to cup his face. "And so am I."

Because without Sam, there is no Dean, and without both, there is no Castiel. Nothing is worth losing them for, nothing. Castiel would repeat all of his mistakes endlessly if it just meant he could keep the two of them, keep everything just as it is right then, right now.

They've made their share of mistakes. They've had their share of trauma inflicted upon them, but they've survived. They've come through, and it's led them here. Living together in the bunker with Dean and Kevin, and the world - for once, for now - in order.

[fromfryingpantofire]

The kiss helps to settle Sam, making him smile as he reaches for the soap. He lathers up a washcloth and begins wiping down Castiel's back, down over his ass and between his cheeks. Slow and methodical, cleaning away everything of the night before they returned to the bunker.

He gets to his knees to clean Castiel's legs, taking a moment to press a kiss to the chastity device. "I'll remove this when we're in the bedroom," he says, looking up at Castiel. "Once I've bound your hands. That way, the only touch you feel on your dick could be mine."

And that was why he was taking it off, even though he had worked hard to train Castiel to accept it. Because he needed every reminder possible right now whose hands he was in. "You'll be allowed to come as many times as you can tonight. Just so that you know."

[freetobe]

Castiel tangles his fingers in Sam's hair as he kneels, that alone enough to make him feel humbled and taken care of. To have Sam kneeling in front of him, a position normally reserved for Castiel, it's... heartwarming. It means a lot, right now. As does the promise of things to come. His chastity device was a lifeline and taking it off felt like defeat to Castiel. But at the same time it would mean receiving Sam's touch there once more, letting Sam reestablish control over every aspect of his body. He'll find all the release that he's abstained from in the past, and thanks to it being granted by Sam, the prospect is exciting rather than off-putting.

"Thank you, Sam."

For a moment he tips his head back against the warm, wet tiles of the shower stall, just enjoying the way Sam touches him, washes him clean and replaces the ghost of the evening with the distinct sensation of his own touch. Castiel groans softly when it all begins to get to him, when he's relaxed and comfortable enough for the prospect of it starts pooling in his groin.

"Sam... would you grant me something else, before we get into the bedroom?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam looks up from where he's kneeling, finishing the cleaning and rinsing away the last of the soap on Castiel's legs. It's sort of a strange position to be in, but one that he doesn't mind in the least. After all, part of the implied contract between them is allowing Sam to care for Castiel when things go wrong, whether in scene or in life. The same as Castiel does for him.

"Of course. You can ask me for anything, Cas. I may not always be able to give it right away, but you can always ask."

[freetobe]

Castiel's lips curve into a soft smile at this, the small tender one reserved for Dean and Sam alone, because it tends to only come out in those rare moments of pure happiness. Castiel doesn't beam with his face, but with his eyes, underlined by the softening of his features.

"If you'll allow it, I'd have your taste on my tongue for the night. Before or during, preferably, or after if you deem that more appropriate."

Sam makes the call. He knows what Castiel wishes to be granted, but Sam trusts him to make the right decision for them both in this. He's shaken and looking for any security he can get.

[fromfryingpantofire]

And Sam does so love to see that smile, because it's so rare to see. But no less beautiful for that rarity.

He leans in, kissing Castiel's hip before nodding. "I think that's something that can easily be granted. I think, perhaps, when we get to the bedroom, after I've removed the device and taken your hands from you." After all, he's going to want time to get hard again. The massage and the belting should take care of that, but a little extra time won't hurt at all. "You know how much I enjoy your mouth."

[freetobe]

"And you know how much I enjoy when you use it."

The smile deepens a little, crinkling Castiel's eyes. Their best nights see Sam make use of Castiel's mouth and ass, thoroughly wrecking the former angel until he knows nothing but his subspace and Sam's warmth everywhere around and inside of him. The fact that they've gotten here sometimes still astonishes him. It seems so strange that this sort of happiness was granted to them, bumps and failures like tonight not withstanding.

When Sam gets to his feet again, Castiel moves into his arms, kisses him slow and sweet. He rarely says 'I love you', shows it instead.

[fromfryingpantofire]

He draws Castiel closer, tilting his head into the kiss and holding him close. 'I love you' isn't really a thing that the Winchesters say easily, no matter what. So he's always glad of the little things that Castiel does and allows him to do in return that show rather than just tell.

The kiss goes on for a while before Sam pulls back, smiling down at him. "Come on. Let's get dried off and go to the bedroom. There's still a lot that I want to do to you before we sleep tonight."

[freetobe]

The words send a small thrill of pleasure down Castiel's spine, make him feel one step closer to right again. The night is not over by a long shot, and he has a lot to look forward to now - Sam's hands, Sam's cock, Sam's belt, Sam's care, Sam's ownership.

The fallen angel follows out of the shower stall, lets Sam thoroughly rub him dry with one of those large, ridiculously soft towels - Dean does the laundry, and to all of their surprise they've found him to be ridiculously good at that.

They kiss with affection a few more times before Castiel strokes Sam's cheek, bringing their softly spoken words back to the upcoming scene. "Do you want me to talk or remain silent?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

He leans in, rubbing his nose against Castiel's for a moment before smiling. "I'd like you to talk," he agrees. "Say whatever you like, be as loud as you like. It's still only us here, I'm pretty sure."

When Dean and Kevin are home, they have to be a little quieter. After all, the rooms aren't entirely soundproof even if the bunker is well built. But Sam had relocated his bedroom as far away from Dean and Kevin as he could when he and Castiel started their relationship.

Sam steps away to gather up their laundry, taking an extra moment to pull his belt from his jeans and lay it on top before he offers his hand to Castiel. "Bedroom?"