He's as damned as he seems/And more Heaven than a heart could hold (NSFW)

[fromfryingpantofire]

They tended to switch bars a lot, never sticking to any one location and they'd drive out a ways away from the bunker. Lebanon was way too small for them to hit up the bars there very often, but it wasn't that far to the state line and there were other towns around, too.

Sam and Dean had gone their separate ways tonight, each planning to hustle pool or cards in a different place. As usual these days, Castiel had come with Sam. The former angel had picked up pool rather quickly, which wasn't surprising considering it was pretty much all math and angles. For the moment, though, Sam was the one cleaning the table with the current set of drunkards who had decided to try their hand against him.

He looked up just as he finished the current game, gathering up the money that had been bet. He'd been going to call out to Castiel, but the sound died in his throat when he saw someone else was talking to the other man. Someone who was entirely too close for Sam's liking.

He nodded to the other players, pocketing the money before walking over and putting a hand between Castiel's shoulder blades before letting it slip down. "Hey, Cas. Who's your friend?"

Comments

[freetobe]

"The belts sound wonderful, Sam. Thank you."

He's not sure he can thank him enough, for providing everything Castiel never knew he needed, and then some. As an angel fresh out of Heaven, he hadn't even thought there was such a thing as this lifestyle, or that it might be just what he need, now as a human more so than ever. Strange, what turns his life took until he ended up just where he needed to be.

"What about Dean and Kevin?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

"They aren't back yet." He hadn't seen the Impala when they'd driven in, but Sam looks up to check that he hadn't just missed it. "I doubt they'll be back before we're done in the bathroom, honestly. I'll leave them a note, though. Let them know that you had a bad night and we'll see them in the morning." Or, possibly, closer to early afternoon. It depends a lot on how much Castiel crashed.

He reaches down, stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair before undoing his seat belt. He opens his door and gets out, careful of Castiel before going around to the other side to help him out of the car. There's absolutely no problem at all with carrying the other man. He enjoys that Castiel allows it to happen sometimes.

[freetobe]

It's a rare thing to happen. Castiel is a proud creature, much older than Sam and he used to be much stronger, too. Usually he dislikes being carried. Situations like this are a clear exception, when he's shell-shocked and overwhelmed, when he's reminded that even just scraping his hand and feeling that pain for the first time overwhelmed him not so very long ago.

So he wraps his arms around Sam's shoulders, holds on tight as he's carried inside. Allows the world to narrow down to Sam and nothing else, because that's just what he needs now that his skin is crawling with someone else's touch, someone else's violation.

"Sam," he murmurs, clutches at him harder. At least they're home now. He'll be taken apart and reassembled soon. Everything will be well. Sam's got this. Sam's got him.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam turns his head, brushing his lips over Castiel's forehead as he walks through the bunker. It's quiet without anybody else there, but that's what they need right now. Castiel doesn't need the noise and possibly being startled by someone else seeing him in his current state. "I'm here, Cas. I've got you."

He makes his way to the bathroom, which has been remodeled a bit recently. The bathtub is still there, of course, because they all like a nice bath sometimes. But a shower has been added to one corner of the room, slightly at odds with the 50s decor but more functional than the bath after a hunt. Sam walks straight to the shower, pulling over the shower chair with one foot so that he can set Castiel down. "I need to get the shower started and get undressed," he tells Castiel as he does so. "I'll be right here and not going out of your line of sight."

Once Castiel is down, it's only a moment to make short work of his clothing, putting them in a pile to take to the bedroom in a little while. Then he leans into the shower to get it started, making it slightly warmer than either of them normally like. After the shocks Castiel had had that day, the extra warmth would be good. "All right. I think that should be okay. You tell me if I need to make the water cooler or warmer, okay?" He helps pull the blanket from Castiel, then, and help him into the shower.

[freetobe]

He feels disgusting and filthy then. More than the feeling of being stretched around someone not Sam. But now that he's seated again with the initial shock fading bit by bit, he feels the bite of the stripes on his ass, the marks someone else put there, someone who then choked him.

Castiel can't wait for Sam to stripe him properly. Erase every last trace of tonight and replace every mark with himself. Fill Castiel in every way humanly possible, the way only Grace used to fill him.

"Hot is good, now." Nothing cold, nothing like natural water. The steam creates a further shield, shuts them away from the world as they step into the shower together. Castiel tugs on Sam's hands, places them on his backside. That stings, too, but it's a sting that makes Castiel feel better. Sam's hands are the perfect size to take hold of what they own.

"I'm starting to feel better."

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam smiles, using that grip to pull Castiel closer, moving his leg so that his thigh rests between Castiel's legs. The chastity device is still on, but that's all right. Castiel can still feel some of the pressure of his leg against his balls.

"Let me take care of you, angel," he says, turning to press his lips against the shell of Castiel's ear. "Let me wash you clean so that I can wrap you up until you smell and feel only me."

His fingers dip between Castiel's cheeks, finding the slick from the earlier preparations. He uses his other hand to spread Castiel open, so that the water can find the spot better.

[freetobe]

It's a cleansing, the way Sam touches him, spreads him open so water can run between his cheeks and wash away every mistake that happened tonight. His fingers curl around broad shoulders, and he lazily rolls his hips, just to feel a little more of that delicious pressure. Not for arousal, just for touch. As much of it as he can get. Tipping his head up to press his lips to Sam's is easy, comfortable even. Allows their tongues to tangle lazily as the water washes the ghosts of this night away, resets it to something they can start from anew.

And then Castiel lowers his forehead to Sam's shoulder.

"I was still conscious when they walked into that lake. They had control over my body, but i was. I was there. And I knew I would die. I knew I would die having broken you and not fixed you."

[fromfryingpantofire]

It isn't that Sam doesn't know the demons that had been stirred up by James's mistake. But he doesn't expect Castiel to start talking about them. It's not something that he's ever done, something they've ever really talked about.

Sam turns his head, kissing Castiel's temple and holding him close. "I forgave you for that long ago," he murmurs, stroking his hands over Castiel's back. "Well before we thought you were dead, even." Certainly Castiel had to know that, had to remember Sam praying, saying that Castiel was still one of them. "I didn't know you were still conscious, though. I guess...I sort of guessed you might have been or might remember some of it. That's why choking was always off the list even before you said no. I wouldn't have wanted to bring those memories back up."

[freetobe]

Sam might have forgiven him, but Castiel never has forgiven himself. For years now he's been trying to fix his own past mistakes, no matter the cost. He's not sure he'll ever truly be... over all of this. He's an ancient creature, and sometimes learning is a slow process.

His fingers dig in a little harder.

"I'm blessed to have you Sam, more than I can say."

And in a way that's too depressing to think about, he's blessed to have fallen, too. A human life allows him to grow as old with Sam as is possible in the hunting life, allows him not to have to face the possibility of losing Sam and living on for all eternity without him.

That is a terrifying thought even for him.

"They piled onto me. Choked me inside my vessel even before they left me to drown in the lake. And I had to watch through their eyes as they attacked Dean and Bobby with my hands."

[fromfryingpantofire]

He presses another kiss to Castiel's temple, his hands sliding over the other man's back and shoulders. "I remember what that's like," he says softly. "Watching your own body attack people you love, killing them and knowing it's your fault."

Sam doesn't much talk about the time when Lucifer rode him. Doesn't talk about how Lucifer allowed him to see everything. It had been the only way he'd been able to take control again in the end, but to watch Castiel and Bobby die and his own hands pummel Dean? It was hard.

"You survived, Cas. You were stronger than them and you survived. And I will never, ever stop being grateful for that."

[freetobe]

"So did you," Castiel murmurs, once again pressing his lips to Sam's, bringing his hands up to cup his face. "And so am I."

Because without Sam, there is no Dean, and without both, there is no Castiel. Nothing is worth losing them for, nothing. Castiel would repeat all of his mistakes endlessly if it just meant he could keep the two of them, keep everything just as it is right then, right now.

They've made their share of mistakes. They've had their share of trauma inflicted upon them, but they've survived. They've come through, and it's led them here. Living together in the bunker with Dean and Kevin, and the world - for once, for now - in order.

[fromfryingpantofire]

The kiss helps to settle Sam, making him smile as he reaches for the soap. He lathers up a washcloth and begins wiping down Castiel's back, down over his ass and between his cheeks. Slow and methodical, cleaning away everything of the night before they returned to the bunker.

He gets to his knees to clean Castiel's legs, taking a moment to press a kiss to the chastity device. "I'll remove this when we're in the bedroom," he says, looking up at Castiel. "Once I've bound your hands. That way, the only touch you feel on your dick could be mine."

And that was why he was taking it off, even though he had worked hard to train Castiel to accept it. Because he needed every reminder possible right now whose hands he was in. "You'll be allowed to come as many times as you can tonight. Just so that you know."

[freetobe]

Castiel tangles his fingers in Sam's hair as he kneels, that alone enough to make him feel humbled and taken care of. To have Sam kneeling in front of him, a position normally reserved for Castiel, it's... heartwarming. It means a lot, right now. As does the promise of things to come. His chastity device was a lifeline and taking it off felt like defeat to Castiel. But at the same time it would mean receiving Sam's touch there once more, letting Sam reestablish control over every aspect of his body. He'll find all the release that he's abstained from in the past, and thanks to it being granted by Sam, the prospect is exciting rather than off-putting.

"Thank you, Sam."

For a moment he tips his head back against the warm, wet tiles of the shower stall, just enjoying the way Sam touches him, washes him clean and replaces the ghost of the evening with the distinct sensation of his own touch. Castiel groans softly when it all begins to get to him, when he's relaxed and comfortable enough for the prospect of it starts pooling in his groin.

"Sam... would you grant me something else, before we get into the bedroom?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam looks up from where he's kneeling, finishing the cleaning and rinsing away the last of the soap on Castiel's legs. It's sort of a strange position to be in, but one that he doesn't mind in the least. After all, part of the implied contract between them is allowing Sam to care for Castiel when things go wrong, whether in scene or in life. The same as Castiel does for him.

"Of course. You can ask me for anything, Cas. I may not always be able to give it right away, but you can always ask."

[freetobe]

Castiel's lips curve into a soft smile at this, the small tender one reserved for Dean and Sam alone, because it tends to only come out in those rare moments of pure happiness. Castiel doesn't beam with his face, but with his eyes, underlined by the softening of his features.

"If you'll allow it, I'd have your taste on my tongue for the night. Before or during, preferably, or after if you deem that more appropriate."

Sam makes the call. He knows what Castiel wishes to be granted, but Sam trusts him to make the right decision for them both in this. He's shaken and looking for any security he can get.

[fromfryingpantofire]

And Sam does so love to see that smile, because it's so rare to see. But no less beautiful for that rarity.

He leans in, kissing Castiel's hip before nodding. "I think that's something that can easily be granted. I think, perhaps, when we get to the bedroom, after I've removed the device and taken your hands from you." After all, he's going to want time to get hard again. The massage and the belting should take care of that, but a little extra time won't hurt at all. "You know how much I enjoy your mouth."

[freetobe]

"And you know how much I enjoy when you use it."

The smile deepens a little, crinkling Castiel's eyes. Their best nights see Sam make use of Castiel's mouth and ass, thoroughly wrecking the former angel until he knows nothing but his subspace and Sam's warmth everywhere around and inside of him. The fact that they've gotten here sometimes still astonishes him. It seems so strange that this sort of happiness was granted to them, bumps and failures like tonight not withstanding.

When Sam gets to his feet again, Castiel moves into his arms, kisses him slow and sweet. He rarely says 'I love you', shows it instead.

[fromfryingpantofire]

He draws Castiel closer, tilting his head into the kiss and holding him close. 'I love you' isn't really a thing that the Winchesters say easily, no matter what. So he's always glad of the little things that Castiel does and allows him to do in return that show rather than just tell.

The kiss goes on for a while before Sam pulls back, smiling down at him. "Come on. Let's get dried off and go to the bedroom. There's still a lot that I want to do to you before we sleep tonight."

[freetobe]

The words send a small thrill of pleasure down Castiel's spine, make him feel one step closer to right again. The night is not over by a long shot, and he has a lot to look forward to now - Sam's hands, Sam's cock, Sam's belt, Sam's care, Sam's ownership.

The fallen angel follows out of the shower stall, lets Sam thoroughly rub him dry with one of those large, ridiculously soft towels - Dean does the laundry, and to all of their surprise they've found him to be ridiculously good at that.

They kiss with affection a few more times before Castiel strokes Sam's cheek, bringing their softly spoken words back to the upcoming scene. "Do you want me to talk or remain silent?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

He leans in, rubbing his nose against Castiel's for a moment before smiling. "I'd like you to talk," he agrees. "Say whatever you like, be as loud as you like. It's still only us here, I'm pretty sure."

When Dean and Kevin are home, they have to be a little quieter. After all, the rooms aren't entirely soundproof even if the bunker is well built. But Sam had relocated his bedroom as far away from Dean and Kevin as he could when he and Castiel started their relationship.

Sam steps away to gather up their laundry, taking an extra moment to pull his belt from his jeans and lay it on top before he offers his hand to Castiel. "Bedroom?"

[freetobe]

Sliding his hand into Sam's feels natural now. Physical affection has been a bit of a hurdle at first, for the very simple reason that when they started out their relationship, Castiel barely knew how to hug. The intricacies of affectionate gestures like this were lost on him. But he feels like he's learned a lot. It comes automatically with Sam.

Castiel hums in agreement to the suggestion, eyes drawn to the belt on top of the laundry pile. His body is tingling with anticipation, a calm sort of arousal slowly but surely replacement the night's previous terrors. How does he deserve someone like Sam?

[fromfryingpantofire]

The ease of the gesture makes Sam smile, obviously remembering the trouble they'd had at the start. He tugs Castiel a little closer before making their way down the hallway toward their bedroom.

Once there, he shuts the door behind them, locking it so that Dean wouldn't accidentally walk in on them in the morning. He brings Castiel to an open spot toward one end of the room, squeezing his hand a moment before letting go. "Stay here," he tells Castiel, punctuating with a quick kiss before he starts putting their clothes in the hamper, setting his belt aside for use later. He also pulled the key to the chastity device from his jeans pocket, dropping it around his neck for another few minutes.

Once he has that set, he heads over to the closet, opening it up so that he could get the belt he normally wore with a good suit. It's stiffer, since it doesn't get as much use, but would work better to bind Castiel's hands for it.

Once he has that, he walks back to Castiel, reaching up to brush his fingers across the former angel's cheek. "Hold your hands out for me, angel," he says, watching the other man's eyes.

[freetobe]

The world starts sliding into place the way it's supposed to a little more, and Castiel sighs a little in bliss as he tilts his head into the carress, holding out his hands. The belt is just another layer of ownership and security, love and care. He doesn't break eye contact with Sam as his hands are being bound, freedom of movement limited severely. But it doesn't feel like restriction to Castiel. It feels like security, care, love. Being tied up places him in the care of Sam, and Sam alone. It relieves him of the burden of choice, responsibility. All he has to do is follow Sam's directions, allow himself to be handled by that voice, and submit his free will by choice instead of design.

Already, he feels another layer of calm spreading over his frayed nerves.

"A little tighter, please," he murmurs, voice already going soft in ways it only does when he's at his most vulnerable with Sam. His eyes crinkle slightly at the corners. "Human."

It's a callback to their private joke. Sam had taken to calling him angel very quickly. At first, this had slightly perturbed Castiel - first of all, he was no longer an angel, and second of all he didn't understand why Sam would use his species as a pet name. He'd referred to Sam as human, then, and taken some delight in the heartfelt laughter it had provoked. To this day, he had no pet name for Sam, the weight of his name holding enough affection and desire to be recognized. But occasionally, he prodded at Sam gently with this.

[fromfryingpantofire]

And it still provokes the same response now, full laughter that Sam doesn't give into nearly often enough. He grins at Castiel, though he does make the belt tighter, setting the tail of it between Castiel's hands to give him something to hold onto. "Let me know if that loosens up and I'll tighten it again," he says, leaning in to kiss Castiel before he moves down to his knees.

He's had plenty of experience with the chastity device by now. After all, it does need to be washed from time to time so Castiel doesn't wear it all of the time, but mostly and especially when they go out to scene. Still, he's very used to the different parts and how to take it apart, unlocking it easily and then pulling each piece away from the others. It'll be washed before they use it again, but Sam is still careful with the pieces, keeping them together and gathering them up to place on the top of the dresser before turning back around to look at Castiel entirely exposed to him.

The growing stiffness in his own cock shows just how much he's enjoying the view.

[freetobe]

Castiel holds perfectly still as Sam takes off the chastity device. It feels almost strange to be without it. It's the only nakedness Castiel knows, and that's saying something considering that even lacking clothes, he never truly feels exposed, lacking humanity's sense of shame. But the chastity device is an odd addition to himself. Something he rejected at first, something he didn't like one bit, and now it's almost part of him. It only ever comes off when Sam decides it should come off, and without it, Castiel feels well and truly naked.

The sigh rising from his lips is a little shaky, but he shamelessy widens his stance anyway, opens himself op to Sam's eyes a little more. Sam's hands will be on him before long, and the though makes Castiel's own cock start to swell with an interest that usually is stifled.