He's as damned as he seems/And more Heaven than a heart could hold (NSFW)

[fromfryingpantofire]

They tended to switch bars a lot, never sticking to any one location and they'd drive out a ways away from the bunker. Lebanon was way too small for them to hit up the bars there very often, but it wasn't that far to the state line and there were other towns around, too.

Sam and Dean had gone their separate ways tonight, each planning to hustle pool or cards in a different place. As usual these days, Castiel had come with Sam. The former angel had picked up pool rather quickly, which wasn't surprising considering it was pretty much all math and angles. For the moment, though, Sam was the one cleaning the table with the current set of drunkards who had decided to try their hand against him.

He looked up just as he finished the current game, gathering up the money that had been bet. He'd been going to call out to Castiel, but the sound died in his throat when he saw someone else was talking to the other man. Someone who was entirely too close for Sam's liking.

He nodded to the other players, pocketing the money before walking over and putting a hand between Castiel's shoulder blades before letting it slip down. "Hey, Cas. Who's your friend?"

Comments

[freetobe]

The nap has started a little earlier than Sam had intended, and Castiel isn't even aware of it. Just presses closer to his dom and keeps sinking more deeply into sleep. Restful, now that nothing hangs between them like a black cloud anymore. He still wears the black collar, and the bruises. Punishments on his skin, and the lack of play in the next few days will be further punishment. Enough, Castiel thinks. More than enough punishment for his own foolishness.

He wakes earlier than Sam, still not particularly used to sleep in general, but feeling rested. Disentagles himself, pads into the kitchen barefoot. Sees Dean dozing on a couch on his way over there while Kevin works on some translations. Dean put some leftovers aside for them, and Castiel heats them up before taking them back to their room along with hot coffee. Places plates and cups on the nightstand, and only then allows himself to wince, knowing he really needs that cream right about now.

So he crawls back onto the bed, crawls over Sam and gives him sweet, chaste kisses to wake him up.

[fromfryingpantofire]

It really doesn't take much to wake Sam up. The bunker is more secure than any hotel he and Dean have ever lived in, certainly, but that doesn't undo all of a lifetime of light sleeping. Though, with Castiel beside him, Sam tends to sleep deeper than he ever has in his life.

The chaste kisses do the job, though, rousing Sam to reach up and card his fingers through Castiel's hair with a hum of appreciation. "Hey. How're you feeling?"

[freetobe]

"Better."

It's an honest answer. Not good, but better. Getting there might still take a little time and effort, but he's well on the way. Castiel tucks his head under Sam's chin for a moment, enjoys the way those fingers comb through his hair.

"Did you sleep well, Sam?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

"Mmm. Always sleep better when you're with me." Mentally as well as physically. The night before hadn't been good because they'd been separated by the punishment, even while sleeping together. This is better.

He combs his fingers through Castiel's hair a few more times. "You must be feeling pretty stiff, though."

[freetobe]

"I am," he admits, keeping his eyes downcast and his body lax against Sam. This is nice, more so after last night. The rift is slowly starting to close properly. "I need you," Castiel whispers into his skin, and it's true. He needs Sam, needs his everything, always. Hates himself for jeopardizing it all just because of his own issues. They'll mend it together, though. Sam is amazing like that.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam hums softly, dropping his head a bit so that he can kiss Castiel's hair. Because it's there. "I need you, too," he murmurs, nuzzling the top of the other man's head. "Come on," he finally says. "Get undressed and I'll get some cream onto the bruises."

And he wants to see what damage was done. Because that will tell him how long they're going to be without sex. Not that Sam minds, much, but there's something at the back of his mind about how to set things to rights.

[freetobe]

Castiel swallows down his shame in order to comply, stripping gingerly and lying on the bed, face down. He's glad for the position - it allows him to hide his shame better. But at least some things are right with the world - he complies with protest or hesitation, following Sam's instructions peacefully once more.

"Is it bad?"

He doesn't want it to be bad. It feels like failing Sam all over again.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam reaches up, stroking his fingers through Castiel's hair. "Well. You're not going to be sitting easily for a while and you're going to be black and blue for a few days, but it's not that bad."

It was worse than Sam would have liked, honestly, partly because of the cane stripes. He'd done his best to keep the strokes moderate, letting the stripes cause more of the pain, but forty strokes was forty strokes and it showed. He shifted, reaching into the bedside table to get out the bruise cream. "No getting dressed until the cream dries," he reminds Castiel as he starts to apply it, keeping his touch soft and gentle as he stroked his fingers across Castiel's skin. "And we'll do this every morning before we start for the day. So I can make sure it's healing all right."

[freetobe]

Castiel can't help but wince as Sam carefully massages the cream into his tender skin. It hurts, it's uncomfortable, but it's also necessary. Penance for his mistake and his mistreatment of his dominant.

"Understood."

Despite that, his voice sounds light, because Castiel is glad to be able to follow instructions that are easy, that come from a place of caring.

"Thank you, Sam."

[fromfryingpantofire]

"You can best thank me by not getting so lost in your head again that you think you can't talk to me." Sam leans over, pressing a kiss to Castiel's upper arm. Not his shoulder, that would be painful. And not very tasty for Sam himself. "I mean it, Cas. We're in this together and there's nothing you could say that would make me love you less. But if you feel the need to be punished, there are better ways to do it."

[freetobe]

Castiel's eyes stay downcast, limiting his field of vision to the pillow he's resting on. There's shame spelled in the slope of his shoulders, clear as day, and uncertainty in the slight clench of his fingers.

It's not that Sam's words upset him. On the contrary, he needs to hear them. Needs to be reminded of how to do this properly, how this works, how this is meant to be.

Castiel swallows, fingers curling inwards a little more. "I want to be punished," he murmurs, as if it needs to be stated again. It's not that he's begging for a punishment now, no. But... the feeling still hasn't quite ebbed away. "If anything, I made it worse."

[fromfryingpantofire]

"Punishment is something we can work out another time," Sam says, resting his hand against Castiel's lower back. "Right now, the punishment is that I'm not going to go easy on you. You still have to do the training with Dean and I that we have set up, work on research and help with the weapons. None of that gets to slide."

It won't be easy, Sam knows that. It's all pretty physical and will involve a certain amount of pain. But movement will also help it heal better and it won't allow Castiel's muscles to tighten up. He finishes with the cream, settling back to allow it to dry in the air.

[freetobe]

"Dean is gonna know."

It's not argument, not a way for Castiel to beg his way out of things. But it's a point to be considered. Training means Dean will become very aware of the extent of what makes Castiel's movements sluggish and accompanied by pained gasps and grunts.

Castiel isn't even ashamed of it, oddly. But Dean is also his friend, and he is reluctant to cross lines.

[fromfryingpantofire]

There are lines that Sam's not willing to cross, either. And he should have thought of that one.

He still takes a moment to consider it before nodding. "I think Dean already has a pretty good idea, but we'll hold off on the training with him this week. But you'll still have your training with me."

And he would likely end up going a little easier on Castiel, even if he tries not to. Because his lover is hurting right now and part of it is his own fault. "It's not something we have to worry about tonight, though. And once you're dressed and moving again, we'll go do some research, all right?"

Another day, probably, and he'll change the collar to their favored blue one. Let Castiel understand that he's forgiven, even if some aspects of the punishment still are in place.

[freetobe]

"I'm good with research."

He likes research, to be fair, so it's not too harsh a punishment. But Castiel knows, and Sam knows, and that makes it punishment enough between them.

For now, he lets his eyes close, exhausted both physically and emotionally. He's brought this on himself, hurting Sam in the process, and he knows he can't get away from that without punishment. He's still glad that it's... mild, for the scope of his failure.

[fromfryingpantofire]

"You very much are." Sam leans down, kissing the back of Castiel's neck. "Rest. Just for a little longer, then we'll eat. Then we'll dress and get out of the bedroom."

It's not the easiest thing in the world, working through things. But Sam does switch the collar out the next morning for their blue collar, a certain sign that all is forgiven. From there, it's only a matter of waiting until Castiel is healed.

The day that Sam wakes up to Castiel still asleep and laying on his back (some nights, they both move a lot in their sleep) is probably one of the best for Sam. He smiles, leaning over to kiss Castiel, fingers drifting up to play along the top of the collar where it met Castiel's skin.

[freetobe]

Castiel grumbles a little in his sleep. Being woken up with kisses is incredibly pleasant and much better than the alarm clock. Still, he can't help it - he's not a morning person.

This applies to all times of the day. No matter how late or early, Castiel is reluctant to get up.

Now he grumbles a little, but quickly wakes enough to reciprocate those dresses and give an appreciative sigh at the fingers playing along the top of his collar. Feeling loved and owned right upon waken is an even better way to start the day.

[fromfryingpantofire]

He smiles at the grumbling, waiting until Castiel is able to return the kisses before pushing his tongue into the other man's mouth and deepening the kiss.

After several moments, he pulls back, leaning over Castiel with a smile as he reaches up to stroke his hair. "Morning," he murmurs softly. "How are you feeling?"

While Castiel's sucked him off a few times since the punishment, there hadn't been any penetrative sex. Because what Sam wanted had to be done on Castiel's back.

[freetobe]

Castiel sighs softly into the kiss, welcoming Sam's tongue into him as he welcomes all of Sam, with quiet delight. His eyes open halfway when the other man pulls back, a smile softening his kiss-swollen lips.

"Good morning, Sam. I feel well rested," he admits. It's rare that he sleeps poorly when he's with Sam.

And it takes a moment, but he does seem to realize, after a while, that he's on his back. "And much better, it seems."

[fromfryingpantofire]

It does happen, happens for both of them. The nights when even the other's presence isn't enough to keep the nightmares at bay. But they're few and far between and Sam is always grateful for that.

He smiles, moving his hand down from Castiel's collar to his chest. "It would certainly seem so," he agrees, letting his fingers brush across Castiel's nipples. "I've been looking forward to this for a while."

[freetobe]

Castiel's eyes widen a little, as the implication starts sinking in, and he can't help but shiver, arch into the little touch. He's sensitive to all kinds of sensations, but even more so now that they haven't been able to be with one another with their usual frequency.

His voice is a husky rumble, clearly more than just on board with the idea.

"Are we playing today?"

[fromfryingpantofire]

"Maybe later," Sam replies, bending his head to kiss Castiel's shoulder as he takes hold of the nipple beneath his fingers to tug at. "For the moment, I was thinking that it's been far too long since I've been inside you."

Sam raises his head, looking down at Castiel with a smile. "You've been so good and patient the past few days."

[freetobe]

Castiel's back arches slightly when Sam devotes attention to his nipple. Sensitive, always so sensitive, and so responsive, too.

"I tried to be. I owed you that much, at least."

He'd failed Sam before, how could he not at least try?

[fromfryingpantofire]

"We've talked about this before," Sam says, raising his head to look at Castiel properly. "You don't owe me, Cas. I'm good with you wanting to be good and patient for me because you want to, but not because you feel you have to out of some need to balance scales."

It was something that was always likely to be difficult for Castiel to understand and he might always feel that way. But Sam did his best to explain the difference if he could.

[freetobe]

"I want to be good good and patient for you. I want to do right by you, as you do right by me, Sam."

Because he loves Sam, as a sub and as just Castiel both, loves him as his dom and just as Sam Winchester, with all his beauty and his brightness and his shortcomings and his darkness.