For your love, I'm sorry/For your pain, don't worry

[fromfryingpantofire]

It had been happening little by little. Almost small enough increments not to be noticed, but Sam and Dean were both masters of noticing little details. It was the line between life and death far too many times.

(At least when they wanted to. Both were entirely too good at not seeing the forest for the trees when it was something they didn't want to know about.)

It had been slow, but steady. Sam and Dean had their hunts and Castiel had his job and his own life separate from their own. Especially once he got a boyfriend. It was only natural that they didn't get a chance to meet up as often.

But it wasn't just that. More and more often, Castiel begged off from meeting up or simply didn't answer voicemails left for him. And when they were able to get together, Castiel was quieter and obviously pulling away. It was worrying and Sam and Dean sat down and talked about it in the bunker, even pulling Kevin into it. They all agreed that, even if there wasn't a problem, they needed to at least check up on the former angel.

Which was why Sam was outside the gas station in one of the cars from the Men of Letters' garage, waiting on Castiel to finish his shift. This was something that was better talked about in person, anyway.

((Content warning for discussions of abuse and abusive relationships. Also BDSM done wrong.))

Comments

[freetobe]

The first clue is the fact that Castiel looks at Sam is though he just asked a very silly question. The fallen angel waits a moment, as if expecting more to come, then shakes his head finally. "I'm fine."

It might just be that he's dehydrated to the point where his bladder didn't quite fill up.

Or, more likely, that whether it's for washing up, for relieving himself or for any other reason, he adheres to commands and shame.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Right. It's going to take time for Sam to get used to the way that he needs to handle things right now. Sam narrows his eyes in thought before nodding and grabbing his clothes. "I won't be long." He'd leave the shower until later. It's not necessary after last night, after all. "After breakfast, I'll give you a tour of the bunker. We don't have a hunt on the radar at the moment, so getting you settled and healed is going to be my priority." Letting Castiel know what's happening so that it's not a surprise.

[freetobe]

He picks up on the hint subconsciously more than anything, nodding to show he understood. "What would you like me to do?" Castiel needs a purpose, has always needed one. Hammer, ally, leader, enemy, toy. It's always been something, and he feels lost with nothing to do. It's not just another offer to serve Sam in bed - but to be of use again in general.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Which, thankfully, IS something that Sam's been thinking about. "The Men of Letters left one hell of a library here. I've been working on figuring out what's in there and getting it organized, so it would be great if you could help me out with that. And Kevin, for all that he's good at it, actually really hates doing research." Or, more specifically, research that he didn't see much use in. Which was a lot of what Sam and Dean did. "Don't get me wrong, Kevin's great in a lot of other capacities, but he's not great at being left in the library."

[freetobe]

Castiel is good at research. More importantly, perhaps, he likes research. So when Sam pitches the suggestion, he sits up a little, as if tentatively accepting something that feels like a reward. But he knows he needs to be careful. It's a task, a purpose, not a gesture of good will. He'll do well, and then maybe he will be praised.

"I can do that. I would like to do that."

[fromfryingpantofire]

It's the most lively Sam's seen Castiel since they got him back, which he's taking as a good sign. A sign that the research is something that he'd enjoy, which is what Sam wants. Just something to give him a chance to help get himself back together. "Good. It was going to be part of the tour anyway, but we'll come back for something more in depth after we do the shopping." Get Castiel some comfortable clothes. "Once we've done that, I can leave you to familiarizing yourself with the books?"

He knows Dean and he knows his brother is champing at the bit to get back to Jason and to kick his ass. Sam's the same way. More than that, they need to get any of Castiel's money out from under the guy's thumb, though Sam figures that's not likely now. Once Jason realized that Castiel's gone, the bank account was probably closed out. Something they'll deal with later.

[freetobe]

Leave him...

those are the only words that stick for a moment or two, as Castiel stands still and processes what Sam's trying. Tries to process it at least. Finally, he nods. He needs to remember that Sam doesn't mean to abandon him, just... leave him to his own devices in the library.

But Jason used Castiel's issues with being abandoned against him very well, and for a moment he almost despairs.

Castiel licks his lips, then nods, the moment of rising panic passing. "That sounds agreeable."

[fromfryingpantofire]

It's not that Sam doesn't know the panic is there. He's gotten used to reading the angel's face over the years and he's not nearly as good at hiding his emotions now as he used to be. And he's ready to step in and reassure Castiel, but he wants to give Castiel a moment to see if he can sort things through himself.

"Kevin's going to be here all afternoon, but Dean and I need to head out and get some stuff that we're running low on. You can help me sort that stuff out and put it away when we get back." Which means it's hunting stuff. And, really, if Sam's going to leave Castiel to the library, he should know where things go in the bunker. There's no telling when they might need to call on him while they're hunting.

He gathers up his clothes. "Come on. Let's get a start on the day, at least." Even if Castiel isn't going to eat a proper breakfast, he's gotten Castiel to agree to some fruit. That's a good start.