He's as damned as he seems/And more Heaven than a heart could hold (NSFW)

[fromfryingpantofire]

To be honest, Sam hadn't done this since Stanford. Well, not properly. There had been a few times over the years where they'd be close enough to a town that had a kink club that he could go play for an evening, but it had never been right. Not like things had been with Jess. And even then, there had only been play. No sex in the clubs, though. It just never felt right without the emotion behind it.

That, however, was before Gadreel came into his life. The angel had been a prisoner in Heaven and Sam knew a bit of what that was like. It had given them something to bond over and had led to Sam slowly falling for the angel.

Other things had come later, after a lot of discussion. Things like the collar that Gadreel wore and often hid through use of his powers. Not because he was ashamed, but because Sam had told him that humans often didn't understand these sorts of things. Angels probably wouldn't, either, especially given the Enochian engraved into the metal.

Having been out of the scene for so long, though, meant Sam still does a lot of research on things, along side his usual research on the supernatural. Which means that the easiest place to find him most days is still the library, where he's head deep in the books on the table. A sound at the door has him looking up and pushing back from the table a bit. "Gadreel? You need something?"

Comments

[redeemedhimself]

Sam kept him grounded in so many ways. It was more than giving him a home on Earth, more than giving him a place in his life and in his bed, more than even the calming weight of cool silver around his neck that reminded him that he was wanted. That he belonged.

Gadreel was his, he would always be his.

But on days when it grew difficult to think, when an angel visiting Castiel reacted to him in disgust and anger, those were the days he needed Sam the most. He needed that firm hand reminding him that he was cared for. That he was wanted.

His body is radiating tension in the doorway, hating himself for the weakness, hating his own brethren for making him feel that way. Instinct drove him to the one human who could quiet the chaos in his mind and his grace.

Gadreel's steps carried none of their usual grace as he stumbled forward, pitching to his knees beside Sam and dropping his eyes to the floor.

He doesn't know what he needs - he only knows that he needs Sam.

[fromfryingpantofire]

From the first, faltering step, Sam knows that something is wrong. He shifts around, bracketing Gadreel between his legs, reaching out to slide his fingers into the angel's hair. "What happened, angel?" he asks, keeping a hold on Gadreel's hair. "Can you tell me?"

[redeemedhimself]

His eyes slide shut in relief as Sam's fingers slide through his hair. His Sam. Gadreel forces himself to drag in a calming breath as he'd been taught. "There were.. other angels. Visiting Castiel." A hard swallow. "They recoiled from me. From the collar that I bear."

The angels would not listen, would not understand. Of course they wouldn't. Gadreel was the fallen, the failed guardian of Eden. Why would they understand or listen to what he had to say?

[fromfryingpantofire]

"I'm certain that Castiel is giving them a dressing down as we speak." No, Castiel doesn't understand the collar either, but he knows that it gives Gadreel a sense of calm that little had before he started wearing it. So he generally ignores it until those that visit make an issue of it.

He keeps combing his fingers through Gadreel's hair, letting the rhythm help to settle him. "Would you like to just kneel for me for a while, or do you need something more right now?"

[redeemedhimself]

The touch helps settle jangled nerves, the rhythm giving him something far more pleasant to focus on as he's touched and reassured. "No Sir," he says quietly after a moment. "I am content."

Perhaps later he might need something more from Sam but this is a good start.

[fromfryingpantofire]

"Then we'll stay here for the time being." Long enough for Gadreel to get himself back together, to decide if there was more that he needed. "Shift over with me, so that I can still read." He could easily read and keep one hand in Gadreel's hair, let him settle once more.

[redeemedhimself]

Gadreel loves the library almost as much as Sam, but for very different reasons. The wood is warm and smooth, the smell of old leather and parchment. It's alive with warmth and the sound of Sam reading a book or scratching out a few notes on paper.

He could stay like this as long as Sam wanted him to, sinking into the feeling of long fingers stroking through his hair. Perhaps later he might ask for a scene, ask for pain and pleasure and the bliss of subspace.

But for now this was heaven. This was his home. Sam was his home.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Sam keeps stroking Gadreel's hair, except when he needs to pull his hand away to turn a page while writing or change books, which needs both hands. Eventually, though, he lets his hand settle in Gadreel's hair, just cupping the back of his head. "Gadreel? You with me?"

[redeemedhimself]

The bliss of subspace is pure, clean and clear in a way that Heaven had never been for Gadreel and all of it was because of Sam. He tips his head a bit into the touch.

"Yes. I'm with you, sir." Relaxed and calm, soothed by his Dom's presence.

[fromfryingpantofire]

The use of the title is a sign that Gadreel is probably further down than he thinks he is. It still makes Sam smile, though, rubbing his thumb back and forth across Gadreel's head. "I'm going to go make some sandwiches and get some water to take back to my room." A fair number of sandwiches, because he has a feeling where tonight might be going. "Are you okay to follow some orders for me?"

[redeemedhimself]

"Of course." The action helps bring Gadreel a little closer to the world, to the directions that Sam will give him. He's always found peace in moments like this, peace that he'd never found in Heaven or anywhere else.

"Anything Sam." And he would follow those instructions obediently. There were nights when he would push, when he would need to fight back to have Sam rein him in and force him to kneel but that wasn't tonight. He had been shaken badly by the reaction of the other angels and as always, Sam provided him with the calm space that he needed.

[fromfryingpantofire]

There were nights that Sam relished a chance to put Gadreel on his knees as well. Those were night where there would be no flogger, no pain, but Sam would assert his control for both of their benefit.

He slid his fingers back through Gadreel's hair again. "I want you to go and take a shower for me. Clean up entirely. Then return to our room and get out the cuffs and anything else you might want used tonight." It was never a promise to use them, but it would give Sam an idea where his head was. And the cuffs, in addition to the collar, means Gadreel's powers could be locked away and he would face the night as human as possible. If it's what Sam wants, at least. "Once that's done, I want you nude and kneeling, hands clasped behind your back."